Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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