and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
