is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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