clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
