im drinking this country out of the recession.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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