I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
