so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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