I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
