You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
