I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize