Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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