Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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