I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize