woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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