You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
