So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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