Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
