I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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