Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
