Its about making memories worth repressing
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
