I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
