Are we in a gay sports bar?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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