We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize