you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
