Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
