I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
