i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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