have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize