I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
