I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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