hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
