If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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