I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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