We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
