What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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