i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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