Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
