a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
