She's like a pop up book from hell.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
