I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
