Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
