Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
