If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
