i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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