you traded sex for a burrito?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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