16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
