I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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