Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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