I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
