If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My bed smells like the plague
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
