I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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