I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
