It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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