Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize