I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
