I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize