Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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