I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
