no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
